The clocks went forward last night, which means that right now, at 7:04 pm on the 30th of March 2014, it’s still broad day light and my heart feels so content. I adore spring, I adore this time of year, because it’s when the world starts to grow again; it’s when I start to grow again. Winter is all about the shedding of painful memories and broken dreams, but spring is for new life.
I turn 24 in just under two weeks.
A lot has happened since my last birthday and I already know this one will be the best I’ve had in a long time. I have plans; real life plans to look forward to, and some of the best people in the world to share my excitement with. I’ve come to realise in recent months that I neither want or need lots of friends, just a few brilliant ones who I know I can count on.
Two weeks ago I put my foot down with someone and removed them from my life. It hurt terribly to think I’d lost a friend when I don’t have all that many, but when I accepted that this person was only bringing me down I realised that it was the best thing I could’ve done. I’ve realised how strong I am too, to have walked away from it knowing that it wasn’t doing me any good. Up until a few days ago I kept thinking it over, kept feeling anger and resentment towards the person, but on Thursday I got incredibly upset and a good friend told me to stop torturing myself with my thoughts; it was the best advice I’ve been given. Not only because it means I’ve had an amazing, chilled out weekend, finding myself smiling at the realisation of how far I’ve come, but also because I’m in a position to be able to do that now. In November if someone had told me this I wouldn’t have been capable of controlling my thoughts.
Slowly, yet surely, I’m falling in love with who I am, both on the outside and the inside. I’m one of few women who is able to love their exterior and not worry what people think. I work out and, honestly, sometimes worry that I’m doing this for the benefit of others, but also know I don’t detest or want to change any part of my body. I do a lot of yoga, which relaxes the mind and tones the body, and since the evenings are getting brighter I want to get back into running again.
I’ve learnt a lot of brilliant personality traits from my friends and I’ve become a more empathetic, courageous, confident person. I probably still complain too much but I have a far more positive outlook on life than I used to and would like to think that I’ll be able to nip that one in the bud soon. It’s safe to say that I like who I am, and can’t wait to see who I become.
This time last year I was a shell of who I am now, but today I found myself driving to Tesco with the stereo turned up belting out the words to You Get What You Give like an absolute fool, knowing that everyone driving past could see me yet not caring at all.
So friends, give the song a listen and remember:
“When the night is falling,
and you cannot find the light,
If you feel your dream is dying,