I used to write songs.
I was really good at it too. I could sit down and the lyrics and music would just flow, no holds barred. It was how I would escape from life, where I would put all my thoughts and ideas, my dreams, my plans.
Now I’m lucky if I write one song every six months.
For some reason I’ve just lost the ability and my passion has died down quite a bit.
The past week or so has been reasonably rocky. Some things have happened and this morning I picked up my guitar to write something but I just couldn’t. I played a few riffs, strummed my way through some nice chord progressions, but the lyrics just weren’t there.
Music isn’t my escape any more, you see. I don’t actually need an escape these days because I have Jesus. I have a God who listens to everything I have to say, who I can talk to whenever I want, and who, once everything’s out in the open, encourages me not to dwell on the past and to focus on today. It doesn’t mean the things that hurt me will instantly stop hurting me, it doesn’t mean my heart is instantly healed, but it means that I’m surrounded by a love that will heal far better than time ever could.
I built up idols, you see. Idols that basically turned into blinders that totally 100% stopped me from seeing God; and people do this all the time. People go through their whole lives kidding themselves that they’re trusting in Jesus when, realistically, they’re trusting in money or friendships or their job or sport or whatever else people turn into idols. I experienced a rocky path that made me think I was trusting in God when I was actually trusting in something totally different, but I am so blessed to have figured this out now.
It doesn’t mean I’m not hurt, it doesn’t mean things won’t hurt tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. But it does mean that yesterday I was so engrossed in the Bible and for the first time knew what it was like to have God complete me. People talk about that “God shaped hole” and I thought it was cheesy until yesterday when I understood what it was like to no longer have that in my heart.
I am still healing, but Jesus came to bind up the broken hearted and to heal their wounds so I’m in the right place to heal now, and because I now understand how strong and mighty He really is I can finally let Him heal me when I would have tried to do it myself before.
I used to write songs, now I write prayers.