“I believe in a peace that flows deeper than pain,
That broken find healing in love.
Pain is no measure of his faithfulness,
He withholds no good thing from us.”
– Sara Groves, ‘Open My Hands’
This morning I got up at 7:00 am to go for a run for the first time in a while. Before I left the house I did some stretches, and after walking up to the main road I started running at a pretty steady pace. Running was different this morning because I didn’t think about running, I thought about why I was running, why I had awoke at 7:00 am for no real reason other than to run in the morning light.
You see, the thing is, I’m okay.
For the first time since I started my early morning runs I didn’t look at my watch to check how long I’d been running for, I didn’t think about how heavy my breathing was getting, or about how dry my throat felt; I simply talked to God about all the things going on in my life, in our life. I talked to Him about how He’s the only one who can get me out of this rut, the only one who can bring me on to chapter two of my life, about how I’m frustrated but how the only thing I know to do is trust in Him.
Sometimes I get so frustrated and feel so hopeless that I just burst into tears, but I’ve learnt to turn to Jesus when this happens. It’s about taking baby steps, you see. It’s about taking life slowly and being okay with that. A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend about my frustrations, about how I so badly wanted community and a church here and she told me this: she told me that she thinks I rush things because I can imagine it all so clearly in my head, and when it doesn’t happen how I want it to I get frustrated and am more likely to give up, and that I just need to slow down and let God work in His time. I need to remember that He will do this, that He is doing this, that He is preparing the path for me as I write this blog.
That is what makes my heart sing when I feel broken. When I feel down it’s because I’ve focused on worldly struggles, but when I’m positive and hopeful it’s because I’ve spent time with Jesus.
This morning it was pretty cloudy but still sunny while I ran, and I remember looking towards the sun itself and thinking about how wherever the light is, that’s where we’ll find Jesus. The lyrics I’ve quoted above mean a lot to me right now; I may be struggling right now but I always have the love of Christ, I always have hope and know that He has so many good things for me, I just need to trust in Him.