Right now I have no laptop and, funnily enough, this is when I most want to write blogs. So, on a Sunday night at exactly 10:23 pm I am sitting in a computer lab writing this; aaah, the woes of your intrepid blogger.
So, to return to that little detail I told you at the start: I currently don’t have a laptop. My little friend and sidekick is currently being wiped. He was apparently massively overheating, a problem I probably could’ve fixed with a can of compressed air for around £5, but that will now cost me £135. Yes; £135. It decided to go kapoot only a week before one of my last dissertation deadlines so, naturally, this week has been a little stressful.
To put it lightly, I’ve been freaking out. I wasn’t eating properly, I was dehydrating, I was beginning to get pretty whiney and I don’t think I was too pleasant to be around. However, last night a good friend let me borrow his laptop and, somehow, in the space of what was, collectively, around six hours, I managed to write enough words to do what I’m pretty sure was finish my dissertation. I have lots of editing to do, but I can cover that in the labs over the next two days. So firstly, praise Jesus for friends who trust me to look after their laptops, even when mine has just gone in for repairs.
But, secondly, I have a bit of an issue to sort out; an issue with me and my best friend, Jesus. I got incredibly distracted, so much so that I totally forgot about Him and was horribly anxious all the time. Tonight at church we sang ‘Indescribable’ and this line stuck out to me:
“You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name,
You are amazing God.”
For most of my life, at least the reasonably lengthy portion I can remember, I have adored the stars and the moon. I have glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to my ceiling and every time the moon’s out I have a little freak out. But this evening I realised I’d genuinely stopped caring about the stars and the moon. I was so horribly focused on this broken laptop and how it was hindering me and how awful the timing was that all I could think about was me, and my problems, and how tough my life was. This semester has been so good up until now but I was letting a laptop setback get to me.
Like I said above, I don’t think I’ve exactly been a joy to be around this past week, and I apologise to anyone who had to listen to me whine or freak out. I know I always ended with “but it’ll be fine, God is good”, but if I truly believed that I wouldn’t have to whine about it. I’ve become pretty internally ugly, pretty self-centred, and generally pretty uncool.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
I might be anxious and stressed out but there is no point because God has got this. He has all of it, and when I focus on that, when I focus on the beauty that is the truth of Jesus Christ, I shine so brightly, I reflect His beauty. And I’m not being conceited, this is just something that happens when anyone focuses on God. I like when I’m that person, when I reflect my Saviour. The awesomeness of life is generally amplified about ten times and I’m my chilled out self.
I suggest you try it out for yourself.